Why Your Online Dating Profile Photos May Be Hurting Your Chances

I have several friends using eHarmony. Over the past few weeks I had the opportunity to sit with them and look at their matches. What was I the most surprised about? Hundreds of BAD profile photos.

I had completely assumed (wrongly!) that by now people would know all of the dos and don’ts regarding dating profile photos. I have seen so many articles about this topic, and published many myself.bad dating profiles 300x199 Why Your Online Dating Profile Photos May Be Hurting Your Chances

Regardless of whether they should or not, people are going to make judgments based on your photos. So please try and avoid the following…

• No blurry pics, no dark images (where your face is shaded), no oversaturated shots, no flash-induced “demon eyes” or pics of you with your eyes closed (!)

• No costumes! It might be funny to you, but to someone that doesn’t know you, it can just look strange.

• Not so many sunglasses shots! I saw several profiles where people had six photos uploaded, and in five of them, they were wearing shades. If you are trying to show off your favorite place in the world, which happens to be the beach, glasses are cool. But remember, your matches want to see your eyes too.

• No time-stamping, unless it is within the last six months or so. I saw dates on photos from 2009. Not good.

• No party shots. I saw MANY shots of people looking a little toasty, martini glass in hand. One could draw the conclusion that if you put a photo like this in your profile, partying is a big part of your life.

• No photos of you with a member of the opposite sex – without any explanation. Some people posted their main profile photo this way. They did not use the text feature where you can explain who the person was, either. This obviously leads many to wonder…who is this mystery guest? An ex? Your main profile photo should really just be you. Oh, and not you and your BFF, either.

• No images where you have clearly cut out the person next to you, or even better, photoshopped their face out. Yes, I saw both examples. Many times.

datingprofilephototips 300x205 Why Your Online Dating Profile Photos May Be Hurting Your Chances• No self-portraits with your smart phone. Especially in the bathroom or car. Not many people want to see the inside of either.

• No extreme close-ups, or scrunchy face shots, or photos taken as you stick out your tongue. It’s not a good look for most of us.

• No hunting photos, or shots of you holding any sort of weapons. I’ve got one word for this: Scary!

Those were the most common issues I saw. Most of us have pretty decent cameras with us (smart phones), so there is no real good excuse for poor quality images anymore. Just set aside some time with an honest, trusted friend, and take some pics of yourself. A nice headshot or medium shot for your main cover photo — and always include a full-length body shot as well.

It is very hard to convey a big personality through pictures. Sometimes what you intend will be taken the wrong way. Let your dates learn how amazing, funny or unique you are in person.

That said, please put energy and time into your photos, because they are very important.

Here are some additional articles we have done on the subject:

Posting your best cover photo

Terrible profile photos and the women who post them

Terrible profile photos and the men who post them

What have you seen in dating profiles that turned you off?


Culled from:   Use eHarmony Better

The Secrets to Making an Interracial Relationship Work

Today’s guest blog comes from author Kristiana Kahakauwila, whose new book This is Paradise looks at the islands of Hawai’i from a completely different perspective — through relationships, culture and couples. I asked her to expand upon the relationships aspect of the book, and I am glad I did! Read on for her thoughts about making an inter-cultural relationship work.

This Is Paradise jacket 400x600 The Secrets to Making an Interracial Relationship WorkMy mom often says, “You never marry just the man, you marry his family.” For an interracial or inter-cultural couple, this adage can seem especially daunting. It’s one thing to become cozy with your partner’s parents and siblings; it’s another to have to marry a new set of traditions, beliefs, and ways of being in the world. It’s even more complicated when one culture has traditionally “dominated” the other. How do two individuals, happy and in love, account for the weight of history, for the hurt that their ancestors might have caused one another? Are we, those contemporary individuals, even responsible for what has happened between our ethnic groups in the past?

I think a lot about this question. In Hawai’i there’s a long and very difficult history between Native Hawaiians and the American “foreigners” who came to the islands as missionaries and businessmen. Feelings of resentment, anger, and hurt have built up on both sides, and in the past these feelings have led to violence.

In my story “The Road to Hana,” I decided to explore what’s not working for one interracial couple. Cameron, the male protagonist, is of Caucasian descent, but he was born and raised in Hawai’i. Becky, his girlfriend, is Native Hawaiian, but she grew up in Las Vegas.

When they begin the road trip, Cameron and Becky seem to have a lot working in their favor. He is delighted with her every habit, even the way she pours soy sauce on her eggs. She appreciates his care and gentleness. But as the drive to Hana progresses, cracks appear in their relationship. Becky is still angry about the way Hawaiians have historically been treated by a powerful foreign minority. Cameron, who belongs to that minority, can’t see why this history might bother her. She lacks forgiveness; he lacks understanding. When a stray dog steps in front of their car, the growing tension between them explodes.

I think Cameron and Becky represent one kind of relationship dynamic—and not just for interracial couples. In the end, it’s not their different worldviews that drives them apart. It’s how they choose to handle those views, and the lack of empathy they feel for their partner’s ideas and feelings.

I’m fortunate to know, in real life, a relationship that is the opposite of Becky and Cameron’s: my parents’ marriage. My mom is German-Norwegian, and her parents crossed boundaries in their small North Dakota town when my German grandfather insisted on marrying my Norwegian grandmother. As for my parents, they met in California, where my mother was raised and where my dad moved for college. He’s Native Hawaiian, born and raised on Maui. My parents came from very different worlds—geographically, culturally, ethnically, racially—yet they’ve created a solid relationship that continues to grow.

For one, they celebrate each other’s cultures. Whether attending a Norwegian church service (in Norwegian!) or a ho‘olaule‘a, my parents enjoy sharing cultural experiences with each other. And it’s not just a surface level enjoyment: my dad converted to Lutheranism (from Catholicism) when he married; she studied hula for years, beginning even before she met my dad. Their commitment to each other’s cultures is one way they commit to each other.

Second, for all the cultural differences, they have the same core values. From the big stuff (putting family first, going to church together) to the little stuff (keeping a family dog instead of a cat), my parents are on the same page. Sure, my mom had to learn to make rice for every meal—even breakfast!—and my dad knows he better boil potatoes if my maternal aunts are coming over for dinner, but adjusting to these small changes was a shared adventure because core values had already been agreed upon.

Third, they find connection with each other’s families. While my grandmothers were living, my parents addressed their mother-in-laws as “Mom.” Although a small word, it was my parents way of saying that they cared for their mother-in-laws as their own flesh and blood. These days, my mom keeps up on my dad’s side of the family by chatting often with my paternal aunts, and my dad, who is an avid cook, collects recipes from my Kristiana Kahakauwila credit Brandon Ng 380x600 The Secrets to Making an Interracial Relationship Workmom’s sisters. By caring for each other’s families, they deepen their caring for each other.

Fourth and finally, my parents can talk about the past without it overturning their present. Family discussions of history range freely, covering both the noble and ignoble moments for the different cultures that make up our family tree. My parents have chosen to love each other not by denying these histories but by approaching them with honesty and openness.

Even for couples who come from the same ethnic population or culture, the emphasis on celebrating each other’s traditions, sharing core values, connecting with family, and holistically accepting one another are all worthy ways to sustain a relationship.

How do I know? Well, it’s working for me in my current relationship. But better proof are my parents, who will celebrate their 36th wedding anniversary this summer.

Learn more about Kristiana, This is Paradise (out now!), read an excerpt from the book — and check out her Facebook page.

 Posted in Dating Dos and Don'ts

Photo of the day

I'snt this sweet?

"She went and got hers"

Got this note from “LB”, a woman who ditched the naysayers and found her true love in Sweden. Here’s her story, in her words…


I found the love of my life in Sweden! OMG! That’s all I can say!!
The brothers and sisters are like umm…:(( and I’m like stop hatin’ cause I’m happy and you guys are CRABBY!

We met on Zoosk and the minute I saw him, I knew, I just knew!!!!! The moment we spoke, we knew! After 24/7 Skype, calls, everything, I WAS ON A PLANE TO SWEDEN…and the moment our eyes met..WE KNEW!!;))) it’s just a love story from start to finish…I’m there on Tuesday and then he’s coming in July, so we KNOW~ We know!! All them haters out there I say this…be happy for others and mind your business! lolol!!! I’ve never met a man so loving so caring, so adorable and who treats me like a friggin queen…a queen…and we get along like bonnie n clyde! So yes, please share!!! I don’t post my personal life on FB anymore as my so called friends are so vicious…but on your forum..yes! yes, please share the love!!:))

 I’ve always been open to interracial dating; actually all my life at the disapproval of friends and family…but I didn’t care, I knew my preference was “other” more on the white , only because in my opinion, they treat black women with more respect. I had zero and I mean zero chemistry with the brothers. I lived in Europe for many years and kind of love that “way” of life and the way they treat the sisters… my guy refuses to talk about race cause he’s like wtf..you’re a woman a beautiful woman, I don’t see color I see YOU..and he’s right!! But you know how our people love to press the Bewithyourown.com bullshit…:)) but yeah, I knew the minute I saw him I had to take the chance…so I went with my gut instinct and voila…the man for me!! I’m 46 and he’s 54 and we click like no one’s business!! So it’s 7 months and going strong…kind of talking about “the future”…living in Stockholm, having two homes..:)) so this is heading in the right direction….It’s true love, mature and stable..not the booty, I love your body bullshit that these brothers be putting us through…sorry to sound so ghetto, but had to break it down for you:))
Let the sisters know that there is a mega pool of Fine, Educated, Respectful White Men who love black women NOT because they’re Black, but because they’re BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS! So says my man 24/7!!! Don’t let the Haters discourage you! Be bold and go for yours!!!:)))
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It’s time to be bold, ladies. Jump in with both feet!!


Culled from Beyond Black & White